So a while back I met up John Glynn, a hotshot muckity-muck at Universal Press Syndicate. I sez to him I sez, “Hey Johnny, how do I get Starslip in your newspaper funny pages? It’s got comedy, pathos, romance — it’s got it all!” John takes his cigar out of his mouth and says, “Listen, kiddo. I like your mustard. But I got somethin’ better for ya than the papes.”

Better than the papers? Was this guy for real?! I craned my neck closer, despite my trying not to look too interested.

“It’s You’d be right up there with the likes of Calvin and Hobbes, Foxtrot, Pearls Before Swine, and Luann.”

I was rapidly losing the upper hand in this negotiation, as the names of these great comics had already made me wet my pants. I think John pretended not to notice. My voice cracked as I half-shouted “Ha! Sounds too good to be true. What’s the catch?”

“No catch, kid. Howzabout your Starslip runs five days a week at starting July 9?” I tried to act nonchalant but suddenly realized I was wearing mismatched shoes. “Sounds like a sweetheart deal for you, maybe,” I said coolly, “but what’s in it for me?” I glanced down again. Getting dressed in the dark, I had also accidentally put on one of my wife’s blouses.

“A whole new audience who’s never heard of it before. They’ll probably love it. With Starslip finished, maybe this’ll give it a chance to reach new people. Give it new life.”

“Interesting,” I intoned, but the extreme nervous shaking of my limbs gave me away. “Maybe I’ll have to give this GoComics thing a try.” Except instead of the words “a try,” I accidentally burped. I shot him a look, hoping he’d think it was intentional.

“You seem to have a lot of health problems that I’m worried about,” said Johnny.

“I certainly do,” I said, clapping him on the back. “I certainly do.”